she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
