I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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