Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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