I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
