dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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