Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
