Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
