dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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