Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
