It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
