You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
