Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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