she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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