I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Randomize
