I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
