Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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