remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
