He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
