ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
