he puts the penis in happiness.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
