How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
