I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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