There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So many bounce houses so little time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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