And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
