Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
