my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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