At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
