shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Is it penis luge time yet?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
