Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
