Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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