How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
