you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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