He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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