I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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