ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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