guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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