my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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