Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
