I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
