He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
