i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
