I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
