he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
