my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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