WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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