HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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