If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
