Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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