Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
