Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
