Just fell off a train. Bad.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
