Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
