I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
