lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
