i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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